Tales of Tinder: A Mallu girl swipes right

Tales of Tinder: A Mallu girl swipes right

  • 01 Jun 2017
  • Sunaya
  • Features

Tinder isn’t all that bad, or maybe it is?

Breakups are hard, it’s more than just wads of tissues filled with snot and panda eyes because of all your mascara. It’s painful. Men may seem to have it easier than us, but trust me, it’s all a farce. It’s only when we begin to move on, that they realise they can’t live without us, and then we get caught in the vicious circle again. 

Initially, the thought of me downloading Tinder put me in horror, imagining what my friends and family would think of me. Would they label me an ‘ess ell you tee’? I decided not to, for better or for worse. Then one day, I finally gathered all my courage and downloaded the app. I put in my name and age, set my preferences, and BAM! I was on Tinder! Took me a while to figure how it worked, but I knew I had to ‘Swipe Right’ if I liked someone. 

Yeah, so Tinder works in some weird mysterious way, and people who’re near you will pop up and you can choose to swipe right or left, depending on your taste in men. And, only if the one you swiped rights swipes right back will you be able to ‘chat’. To clear the air, I’m an average-looking girl, nothing supermodel-like. But, with the right filter, I got around 20 matches within the first hour. Surprisingly, there were a lot of guys from the Navy. Also, a bunch of creeps who were hardly 18, and their photos kinda seemed like their hormones were raging. SWIPE LEFT, swipe left! 

“I’ve been on Tinder for months and you’re my first match in weeks.’ seemed to be a commonly used line. I did have a few interesting conversations with a few interesting people who seemed genuine. But, looks can be deceiving, and people who looked decent weren’t really all that decent. At least they got straight to the point. Right,left, right,left, the exercise continued, and then I come across a bunch of familiar faces.  Married, single, in a steady relationship, it probably didn’t matter to those guys because they all were on Tinder, and there are different types! Also, fair warning, never leave your phone unlocked and around nosy colleagues who think it’ll be a laugh to swipe right on just about everyone. Anyway, thanks to him, I got to meet the different types of men on Tinder!

Type A: The rich guy- I have a car, I have a bungalow, I’m rich! I’m telling you, better swipe left, else he’s going to bore you with his stories about how he’s a ‘vedanikkunna kodeeshwaran’.

Type B: The wannabe- He’s standing in front of a luxury car. He’s got cool shades on. You swipe right, thinking this guy is successful in life and well settled. Let me remind you, though, that Tinder is a DATING APP! Do not confuse it with Bharat Matrimony! Anyway, you both swipe right and start talking, which is when you realise it’s all a prop. Unmatch right away! 

Type C: The one with the dog- Oldest trick in the book, this one is, where guys pose with dogs, probably because they know, or think that women have a soft corner for dogs.

Type D: The desperate ones- You swipe right cos he looks good in his dp and his bio is interesting, but then when you start chatting, the guy skips the casual talks and goes straight to asking you for your number. You say no. He says you’re on Tinder, you must be here for some action. He creeps you out, and you unmatch with him.

Type E: The decent guys- I must say I did come across a couple of guys on Tinder who weren’t really there to get laid. I mean, i’m sure they did have that motive, but they were decent enough not to talk about that. They actually show some interest in you as a person and your life, and make an effort to actually get to know you before anything else happens. 

There are a lot of people who went out on dates with people they met on Tinder, out of which some ended badly, and some turned into steady relationships. I eventually had to delete my account, but I was surprised to even find celebrities on Tinder. Even though Kochi seems like Ms goody-two-shoes, everyone’s on Tinder and it’s here to say, no matter what people say. Have you come across any of these types? Or do you have a different story altogether? Let me know!

Text: Anonymous   Photos: Various Sources

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