To Be Or Not TO Be A Malayali- That Is The Question

To Be Or Not TO Be A Malayali- That Is The Question

  • 26 Jun 2017
  • Sunaya
  • Features

We’ve got our families in every nook and corner of the world

We’ve got our families in every nook and corner of the world. If we had to have a guide book to our culture, we would be quite a fascination in theory of cultural studies. Getting down to the nitty-gritty of us Malayali, when one tries to define us, we got far too many explanations

Phlegm- inism-  For every woman who is outspoken, she’ll be misquoted as a feminist and suddenly the whole of Kerala has something to cough about. 

Down to Earth Menu -  Chena, Chambu, Koorka..when we say we are rooted to our culture –this mainly happens when we eat.

Something Fishy- We knew there are other fishes in the sea, but the our Kerala seas stream with gossips, and all the fishes are on our plate.

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Calendar Girls – It’s a new year and Manorama advertises its calendars on television and your mum makes it a point to get one instead of those fancy ones. 

A Cup of Wordy Tea-  Your verandah is a room suited for your newspaper reading and tea time. So are you Kannan Devan & Mathrubhumi hybrid? 

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Moustache Meanings - A biologically synced lesson for all Malayalee men! We’re thinking somewhere in biology textbooks; they’ve mentioned that to prevent catching a cold,  grow a moustache to keep your nose warm.

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Communism – We’re sure when someone says, Give me RED, you are not thinking of communism but Eveready batteries 

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Tailor- Made –A woman may not have an accountant, but she has a personal tailor who’s forever just – no discrimination against size.

Two -Timing – We’re sure, we’re the biggest cheaters when it come to opportunities because we’ve only got two careers to look forward to medicine and engineering. 

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Comedy Catastrophe- Cross dressed men in shows get us laughing but not the LGBTs. What's funnier, every show has to start with the word comedy to remind us it does not fall into the genre of failed humour. 

Serial  Killer- Thanks for shooting our minds with serials that have a 'pancaked' mother- in- law and an out of wedlock child. 

That’s the Spirit! – My goodness, there were after- after- after parties when they said bars were going to close, celebrating every last drop.

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Bandwagon syndrome-  When it’s boiling outside, what’s up with the boys wearing hoodies and mufflers - oppa gangnam style! 

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Gone Gulf Gone- We go through our nascent stages, then puberty and finally hit adolescence. If you’re still here in Kerala, don't worry, you haven’t reached that phase yet. 

Oiled hair - If you’re stuck in a bus and you get the smell of freshly fried snacks you’re lucky, because hair strands stirred in oil is far worse. 

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Vested Interests– You may wear your Gucci and your Prada shoes but when you hit your 'tharavadu' you need to wear your lungi, ‘baniyan’ and paragon chappals.  

Beat around the Bush – We know men want only want a thick bond, when a woman’s hair is thicker than their skin.

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Below the Belly – It’s illogical to wear low waist jeans with a long tee but logical to wear low waist sarees with short revealing blouses. 

Cracking Coconuts-  The most resourceful tree that’s taught in classes, it’s so good that  it has a dual function for both humour and the word for rubbish ( thenga kola). 

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Outsourced intelligence – Behind every successful Malayalee is an active passport. We hear about so many renowned Malayalis, but they just don’t sink their feet in their hometown. 

Chinese Takeaway – We feel bad for all the waiters who have to take orders in Chinese restaurants. Because every person who enters the restaurant say this without looking at the menu, “Oru chilly chicken and fried rice. “

Jumping Queues -  With the exception of BEVCO’s, when it comes to standing in queues we surely get restless. It's where we have a lot sport- spirit playing kabaddi on a random ground, and we’re immune to the bicker.

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Topper of the World – When  you walk into a bookshop, the best sellers, it’s not books like Malgudi’s days but RD Sharma's mathematics book is what was idolized by every student and parents. 

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Tuitions – The children these days may have never listened to 'We don’t Need No Education'. Apparently, school is just and hangout with uniforms. 

Mark your Mark –  If only school children cared about winning a basketball game, but it’s a war when teachers announce marks. All the students only have one aim – just to get marks. 

Nostalgic childhood- Every movie director has an obsession for starting  a movie with a flashback, and we know if you are reading this you can think of a minimum of ten. What's your favourite? 

Hypocrisy –Is it hypocritical to say we are not hypocrites when we are they types who say we are proud to be Malayalis, and we still run to other countries to mint money and love life elsewhere.

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What a Pair! (There’s no compromising on a lungi! Most people would shift their attire for their shoes, but when it comes to a lungi or a mundu, no shoes will stop a man’s beloved wrap. 

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Game for a Name?  We  thought the delivery was hard enough for a woman, thus the husband and wife love to put an equal share in their child’s name. When you see your friend Wilby, you can guess her father’s name is Wilson and mother’s name is Beena. 

Celebrity Fan Clubs-  Just when you think Kerala is lined with too many movies posters and political campaign posters, why aren’t we surprised with the celebrity fan clubs. This fusion between the political and movie world, now we’re waiting for a celebrity fan club manifesto! 

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Snooze and we never lose – If they say cities never sleep, Kochi goes to bed at nine  but it’s always up in the morning.

Harthal: Students should never say they took a leave because they got it all of it sorted with harthals. We’re sure a bunking speculation happens like the stock market predictions. You need a knack.  Harthals are the one incentive to open a newspaper.

Umbrellas for a Sunny Day -   Mostly people walk around when the rain pours like cats and dogs, but on a bright sunny day we walk to save ourselves from the dreaded tan. Meanwhile in movies, lovers walk under umbrellas when the sun shines and dance when it rains.

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In a Pickle- Every airport security dreads it when our luggage when it passes through the x-ray machine – they have to deal with the massive pickles everyone carries no matter where they travel. 

Hometown to All – Although the Gulf is in the desserts, the grass is greener to us. Apparently Kerala is the gulf to all Bengalis, Assamese and Tamilians.

Fault in Our Stars - We may place our complete trust in astrologers. 

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The Ladies in Red- None of the F1 racers can beat our bus drivers.

Govern mend - Our government may look bankrupt seeing the condition of the roads but we all strive for a government job.

LOL ( Laugh Only Lackadaisically ) ‘Thamarasherry choram’ is the most laughed at place by Malayalis. All thanks to our dear Pappu. 

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Placement Offers: An engineer is the most sought after eligible bachelor. 

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Text: Atheena Wilson   Photos: Various Sources   Featured image source

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