Maintaining a Healthy Relationship
- 30 Aug 2014
- Features
By Varsha Menon
How can you have a good relationship with someone and not care what theydo? There's an amazing article by Martha Beck about how you can improverelationships with others by not caring what they do. According to Beck, you can both notcare and love someone; in fact, she argues that not caring is a great wayto love someone. By not caring, we can stop trying to change those we love. Wecan fully accept them for who they are and, as a result, be at peace withwhatever they do. Detaching yourself from others' behaviors is great, intheory, but it's a difficult thing to actually do. It takes a lot of personalstrength and mental bravery to recognize that you can be happy and positive nomatter what other people do. It's completely possible -- it's just hard. Whichis why I think these additional tips will help anyone trying to master thesesteps.
· Find your own source of happiness. Relying completely onone person is a no when it comes to having a happy relationship. It's importantto find some activities/people you can enjoy outside of the relationship youhave with a significant other and/or family member.
· Remember that you are powerless overothers. No matter what you would like to believe, you have zerocontrol over others. Realize this and you will free yourself from a lot ofmental anguish.
· Focus on the positive things about your lovedone. Ifyou're struggling to deal with a specific behavior from someone you love, agreat exercise to combat any negativity you might be feeling is focusing on thepositive things you love about that person.
· Focus on the positive things about yourself. Remember that there are alot of positive things about you too. Sometimes when we're dealing with anupsetting behavior, we forget to focus on the positive things about ourselves-- like our strength or our resilience. Remind yourself of your awesomeness!
· Communicate your intentions with the ones youlove. Ifsomething really bothers you about someone you love, ignoring it can be tough --as can changing that person. It's best to communicate that you love the person,you don't love the action, but you're going to do your best to accept it.
